The Inner Peace

Dharma Present

Dharma Present (L) walking meditation

 

Hello, my name is Ricky Lester, and I was born and raised in a small town in Florida in the US. As a child, I lived in a house of addiction, anger, violence, and sexual misconduct. Though I faced many sufferings in my home, I had a very peaceful, inviting release in my Nanny’s (Grandmother) home, where I spent most of my days as my parents were at work. I believe this provided me a way to stand on the outside of the home of suffering and peer in, allowing me to see the destruction caused by these actions.

As I became older, I let go of the peace I found in myself and fell in love, finding happiness in another. As most young loves go, there were many falling outs, as if finding this outside happiness had caused me to lose my inner peace. The relationship eventually seemed to be mended after the comings and goings, and on September 22, 2004, my wife and I were married in a very spontaneous arrangement that was not so well arranged. Everything was beautiful and new once more.

For some time, our happiness was lasting, yet still I suffered inside from the past. The suffering of my childhood had finally caught up with me now that the peace I had once known was lost. Just before my marriage, I had fallen into drinking heavily, smoking, becoming angry, and engaging in violence, hate, and depression. As time passed—and now being married—these things were diminished in light of my new found happiness in my rebuilt love.

Dharma Present (R) and Friends Singing

 

On February 7, 2006, my wife and I had our son Connor… Almost one year later and after facing the difficulties of being a new parent and trying to find ways to make a future for my family; once again, my happiness turned into suffering. I began to drink heavily again and tried to find happiness in alcohol and friends, trying to escape my inner suffering. This path led me to a mental breakdown and deep depression. I felt as if my world had crumbled and everyone else was to blame. I knew I needed help, so I went to see a doctor, who diagnosed me with depression and gave me anti-depression pills. The pills seemed to help me look at the more positive side of life, giving me more initiative and ambition.

Meanwhile, my wife gave me a book by the Dalai Lama called How to Practice the Way to Meaningful Life. As I read this book (I had never read an entire chaptered book), I found it to be less about reading and more about confirming the feelings in me that I had once known as a child. I began to feel the sense of peace I knew as a young boy in a home of suffering. After reading the book, I wanted to read more about Buddhism. I perceived the teachings of the Buddha as very welcoming and natural.

 

After reading quite a few books, I knew Buddhism taught a way to peace to which I could relate. I began to practice meditation on my own. This lasted for about six months. I finally decided to go to a Buddhist temple in Orlando, about 45 minutes from my home. There I saw the peace that I now felt in the eyes of those in the hall. I met the teacher (also named Ricky), who taught in a way very easy for an American who was new to the philosophy of Buddhism. Over time, my meditation became extremely profound as I looked deeply and began to understand my suffering and accept it.

As time passed, I started to doubt my understanding. I thought it was possible that I had been manipulating my mind to believe I was more awake then I truly was. I stopped reading and going to the temple and only practiced meditation. I enrolled in college, which took up all of my time. Life began to seem very busy, and my practice lessened until I was no longer practicing.

I realized that I needed guidance, so I returned to the temple. However, this time I did not find the guidance I needed at the time. Thus, I searched for another teacher. I found a Buddhist Monastery called White Sands Buddhist Center in a rural area fifteen minutes from my home. I drove up there one weekend, and as soon as I pulled into the long, winding, wooded driveway, I felt peace like time had stopped and only I was present.

Dharma Present receiving his Certificate of Ordination

 

I met the Venerable Khai Thien (Thay), whose walk was slow and stare as clear as crystal as we approached each other. When we met, we had a presence while looking at each other, as if there were nowhere else and no other time than the place in which we stood. We went into the house and ate and spoke. Leaving the monastery, I knew I had found my new teacher to guide me as I walked.

I returned weeks later to find that the master was off in California for a month. I spoke with one of the nuns for some time, and she told me she had something for me. She gave me a book by Mahasi Sayadaw, Practical Exercises of Vipassana Meditation. This was one of the greatest blessings I have yet received. This way of practice was the guide I was in need of.

Months later I attended a three-day retreat at the monastery. The retreat became a huge turning point for me. I practiced mindfulness for 72 hours. There was nothing, there was only everything. I found my peace in the present moment. On the last day of the retreat, I did something I had been practicing for: I took refuge and undertook the 5 precepts. I did not wish to take this step until I knew I was prepared—until my practice had come into a balance; in that weekend it did. I was given the name Dharma Present for the presence Thay saw in my being. It was very comforting to know that I was not only believing I was present, but also that Thay let me know from another mind that I was.

Ceremony of Taking Refuge

Today I continue to practice and study every day. My wife and I are very happy together, and my son is now a boy. We also have a baby daughter. We are all a very happy family. I find more peace in every moment and wish to share that peace with all who are willing to listen so that you may also be in the same peace. Have a peaceful day.